Tuesday, September 09, 2003
UGGGH. This is the second time I've had to write this entry cuz my dad is fixing the kitchen and for some godforsaken reason he felt the need to turn the power on and off. Usually something like this does not faze me but this coupled with my moms ability to piss me off in 3 seconds does. Right before my comp got turned off I was talking to my mom who was just generally pissing me off. It's not like I don't try to be calm, it's not like there's ALOT more stuff I could say to her, it's just like every word that comes out of her mouth is designed to piss me off. I'm always in a bad mood after I talk to her and I want to scream and tear my hair out. She constantly goes on about the most INANE things. I know I sound like ms. typical drama queen here but JESUS CHRIST. Do I ask to be lectured about money? It's MY money I can do w/e the ---- I want with it. Do I ask to be lectured about being sick? YES mom I LOVE being sick that's why I don't take medicine w hile I am. Honestly that woman just doesn't know when to stop. She's so condscending and she thinks she knows EVERYTHING. She even admits it. GOD.
So it's tuesday now and I'm STILL fixing stuff up from friday. Maggie, God bless her evil soul. She's been straightup with me. She's forgiven me before I even apologized but her being the honest person she has told me straight out. She's still mad at me but she knows I'm sorry and that we'll work past it anyway cuz that's the way we are. Why drag it out? God but I appreciate her. Willson has "forgiven" me but said he doesn't really want to talk to me right now. God knows I don't blame him. When it was me I didn't forgive him. I deserve alot less right now. I haven't bothered talking to Christer, but for some reason his msn name was "bullshit you care" and I'm wondering about that. Worried it's about me. I know that's self-centered but you never know. I might be right. Vainly hoping it's not. And I haven't talked to the guy in forever so I have no clue who it could possibly be directed to. I miss him sometimes though. We used to be really close. Jona and Mark have completely forgiven me. Thank goodness. Everyone else pretended it didn't happen. That's a-ok with me. All the people I hurt are good or on the way to being good so that's all I can really do.
I've decided not to swear anymore. I know I always say you just don't get the msg across when you don't swear, but after friday? I never want to get that kind of msg across again. So I'm working really hard at not swearing. Good of me isn't it?
I'm sick. Sooooo sick. It's hurting my head and I even wore my marthas sweater today I felt so sick. Maggie walked up to me today and was like "Michelle, you look like shit," What I wouldn't do without her. She's great that way. Honest the only way a bestfriend can be. And of course she was right I did look like shit I knew it too. I didn't even bother brushing my hair. I can't help it. When I feel this crappy I dress this crappy. I think I'll wear my gap sweater tomorrow.
So it seems that all I can do is flirt and/or insult ppl now. I don't know what's up with me. It's like my brain has taken a leave of absence and I think of nothing I say or do. My mouth just moves and noise comes out. There is no stop at the brain level it's just one non-stop flight. I mean honestly I'm getting ridiculous. Lunch time? Me, Brent, Stanley much flirting fun. Math class me and Sherwin. Physics class me and Jason and ANTHONY? I don't even usually talk to Anthony but I decided to work with him today cuz Jason was busy helping Tracy and Danielle, so I found someone else to talk to. All I did was joke around and make Anthony laugh but I can do that without flirting. I don't know why I did that. I think it's time for some changes. I'm just gonna sit back now. Not be so hyper all the time and just think about what I say/do before I say/do it. I'm gonna TRY. Hopefully it'll be more successful than my swearing sabbatical.
So I got 100% on my first math quiz today. God I'm happy. I was really afraid I couldn't handle having a job and school at the same time. And REALLY scared my mom was gonna make me quit. But in the face of 100% what can my mom say? NOTHING. And on top of that: I finally understand vectors. I've been struggling in physics for the past few days trying to wrap my head around the concept but I think I've got it down pat. I finished the whole worksheet off in about an hour and a half. It took lots of thinking power but damn right I did it. =)
I'm starting to feel really down. When I'm not being hyper. Seriously downer than down. Maybe it's cuz I'm sick or something but I think it's school. Summer was awesome, the second we get back to school what is there? Nothing but drama. Maggie's going through some stuff, I'm not even sure I should ask about because of what happened. She said it was too much to talk about over msn so I thought I'd take her out to lunch today (which I didn't) or tomorrow (hopefully) and just catch up on stuff. She looked really sad today at lunch. That's not how you should spend your first week 16.
Today I had loads of hw. Jesus christ it took me 2 and a half hours to finish it. Crazy. I hope I don't have that much tomorrow/thursday. I have to go to work. *sigh. This is a mega long entry. So I'm gonna stop now. Don't want to let on how much I just love to blabber about myself ;)
Posted at 9/9/2003 10:28:50 pm by raynee_daiz
Sunday, September 07, 2003
missed an entire week of blogging?! ME? yes. obviously it was technical difficulties. In other words? Internet fukked beyond all words. It's supposed to be fixed tomorrow, and right now I'm at my uncles house.
So classes are ok. I had to transfer out of drama 20 because I can't take 10 and 20 at the same time and filled it with com tech. Meaning I have all morning with Sotria. Good stuff. Especially com tech, I have Goldade again so he's going easy on me. Just sit around laughing all morning. Physics with..blah. Him. And everybody else. Good stuff. Got Danielle, Coralyn, Tracy, Jenny, Florida, Jason, AJ, and Anthony. yayy. Math. Wow I'm doin good. Got my hw down, job down, busyness. And I think I'll do well on my math quiz tomorrow. Proud of me? DAMN RIGHT.
Friday night? Maggies party? Good for themost part. THIS is why i don't go to parties. It isn't a party unless somebody crys/makes up/fights/throws up. Yup and this time it was me. Starting the fight. Basically I was a biitch to mags. She yelled. I yelled. (it was my fault by the way, nothing i do will excuse my stupidness PLUS it was her bday) and I got pissed off. So I walked all the way home from Mags house to mine. Rundle to Marlborough. My legs are sore like a mofo. And it's two days later. They tried to follow me for a bit. I chased them all away. Down to Willson. Willson was surprising considering he knows I hate the shiet out of him. I screamed until they all let me walk my own ass home. The walking cleared my head. So it was all good. I don't think i want to talk to christer or willson ever again anymore though. Still gotta make up with maggie. I text msged. Tried calling. Richmond told me she's planning to talk to me tomorrow. God I hope it's not another one of those we'll be friends with no trust talks. I hate when she pulls that shiet.
Posted at 9/7/2003 8:02:29 pm by raynee_daiz
Sunday, August 31, 2003
goddamn. i'm gonna miss the shit out of summer. it was seriously kick ass. made money, had some fun, met new ppl, talked to my girls. Without having to worry about the stress of school, tests, teachers, seeing ppl. I'm gonna miss summer. 10 months to go and counting.
Yesterday Jona called like 80 times yesterday to talk bout Mags' bday present. We finally decided on going half and half on a 50$ bathrobe for her, and i'm still buying buttons for her. That girl better appreciate.
I been working like a motherfucker this weekend. Friday night til tomorrow. Uggh. So tired. Today I had to work 8 hours and I had to do drive through. On top of that when Julie came on she was in the worst mood. She wouldn't stop yelling. BLAH. She's only good to work with when joeys on. It's a good thing my mom trained me all these years to deal with people like julie. Or else I would've ran out crying and quitting a damn long time ago.
Didn't call Richmond last night, and he didn't call me so we didn't talk last night. I don't think I'll call today either. I'm in the bitchiest mood tonite, cuz of my nap after work. I stayed up til 4 last night and then i had to wake up at 10. I can't believe I used to happily operate on 5 hours of sleep let alone 6. I came home and crashed on my bed. Woke up a bitch. Funny transformation isn't it? At exactly 4 Tuan called. I was like WTF ARE YOU DOING CALLING SO LATE. Jesus. I was at work today on my break I took a look at all my calls. All of them occur between 12am til 5am. That just ain't right.
The kitchen is clean again! My mom finished unpacking everything today. We have so much more room in the cupboards. And the kitchen looks so big! The one last thing to make it look CLEAN CLEAN is the tiles. We don't have them all yet.
My sister and my mom went to stitches at signal hill today cuz they were having a sale. They almost didn't go cuz my aunt bailed on them and my mom didn't know the way. Good thing jona and mike took me a few days ago. I wrote out the directions for them, thus making my sister wildly happy. I wasn't there to see her happy but I know she was. My mom had decided not to go after aunt jess bailed sbut i told her i'd write her directions. My sis was in the shower at the time, and I left for work before she finished. I'm very glad I took the time to write out the directions though. When I came home from work a new pair of jeans and a jean jacket were waiting for me. =D
Tomorrow is offically the last day of summer. I want to cry.
Posted at 8/31/2003 11:20:31 pm by raynee_daiz
Friday, August 29, 2003
Yeaaaaah...I have a frikken busy life. I think I'm gonna have to write tantamount just to cover what happened between wednesday night and thursday night. Crazzzzzy ass.
Ok well first I got home from work, and I called up Richmond. He made me mad which in turn made him mad so I let him go at like 12. I called up Maggie to bitch about Richmond but she was already on the phone with Tuan. So I was like call me back whenever. Only I went to sleep cuz I was doing that whole sleep an hour before blah blah. Which by the way has been SHOT TO HELL. At about 1am I wake up because my phone kept beeping. Turns out Maggie called 4 times. And I had a strange msg on my v. mail with some strange guys voice going. "WHHHY DON'T YOU PICK UP YOUR PHONE?!" in a fob accent. I thought it was Maggie's bro. So I called Maggie back and she told me to hang up and pick up the phone when it rang. So I waited and it rang. And there was the guy that gave me the weird v. mail msg. I played his stupid game for 2 min got pissed off and hung up cuz he wouldn't tell me who the fuck he was. He called back again turns out it's Tuan and Mags fuckin around with me. So us 3 talked til 4am in the morning. And by the time we got off it was light in the sky. Sky looked soooo pretty. We laughed and joked all night. Best moment? The lays moment. Maggie was falling asleep even though she wouldn't admit it so this is the result.
Tuan:I want to get laid.
Maggie: Huh?! I want lays!
Tuan: You want lays huh? I'll give you lots!
Michelle: What kind of lays are you hungry for Mags? Ketchup or Original?
hahahaha..it went on like that for soooo long. I couldn't stop LAUGHING.
So I woke up at about 10 and called up Richmond to apologize for being a bitchy whore. And I woke him up and he was still mad so he told me he had to go wash the dishes which was utter bs considering I talk to him while he washes dishes all the time. So I was like fine w/e.
Yesterday was my day off and Maggie and I were supposed to go chill with Tuan and whoever else we could get to come buuuut Maggie bailed and I didn't feel like hanging out all day with a complete stranger even if he had a car.
So I called up Jona and she wanted to go to Signal Hill. Only we didn't know how to get there. Sooooo I pulled up a map Mike got the car, and we all went to Signal Hill. The ride there was funny cuz we got a little bit lost, and Jona got upset cuz if we had just listened to her we wouldn't have had to drive around in a huge circle. She had a huge headache so she was in major bitch mode, but me and Mike managed to laugh her out of it a few times. We finally got to Signal and yay! Shopping! I bought a new hat from gap, and a purse from le-chateau. Now I have a hat for every one of my new shoes. I'm obsessed.
After we finished shopping we went to wendys/tim hortons. Mike and Jona got into a fight. Which I didn't help because I unknowingly made Mike mad. Which I feel horrible about. We had to eat in utter silence, and then drive home in utter silence. Mike took me home first. I was so tired I just crashed on the bed and went to sleep for a while. When I woke up I was in the bitchiest mood ever. I yelled at my sister over the stupidest thing. But my mom offered to take me out for dinner since the kitchen was still being finished so I thought food would make me better. Only it didn't.
When I got home on msn turns out some fucker found out my pw and kept signing into it. And even deleted all the ppl that were online at the time. I was so pissed off. And I asked nelson what I last said to him. And OMFG. He wouldn't tell me he just asked me stupid ass questions. I got so pissed off that I told him not to talk to me for the rest of the night cuz I was tired of yelling at him. WHICH I WAS. Jesus christ he pissed me off. So there I am having a bitchfest with maggie about it. And I start telling her how me and Richmond were in a fight again and how I felt so frikken guilty everytime Chingy played on the radio, and at Signal Hill. Cuz the whole damn place is surrounded with Richmond named places. Richmond Hill. Richmond Road. On and on. I felt sooo guilty. When whaddaya know? Richmond called.
He apologized for being rude this morning. And it was ok cuz I was a bitch. I apologize for being a whore and we laughed cuz he said that's what he called me last night. He hung up the phone and said "what a whore" So me and him talked all night long. But for chrissakes everyone kept calling me last night. I was like wtf. Why am I suddenly so popular? First Maggie called, so me and Richmond 3-wayed her. Then her mom told her to get off the phone so she said she'd call us back. Tuan called twice asking what he should wear for friday cuz he was going out with Maggie. (god I hate that girl. At any given moment three guys like her) Jona called cuz she woke up. Told me that she and Mike made up and how I had upset him. I felt bad to let her go. I really did want to talk to her for a while. But I'm gonna call her up today before I go to work. And then Tuan called AGAIN. Asked me what I was doing I told him I was on the phone. He asked me if it was Richmond and I was like How'd you know? And he says I'm just that good. Turns out he's got Maggie on his home phone. So we decided to 4-way. Tuan 3-wayed me on my cell, and then i 3-wayed richmond. We all talked for a while making fun of maggies "Lays" moment. When all of a sudden this huge burst of static comes over everybodys phone. I was like WTF? And then Richmond beeped in on the other line so I was like w/e. Me and him started talking again for a while. When Tuan sent me a text msg. Thing is I coudln't text him back cuz I was on the phone and I need internet to text. So I guess he 3 wayed me again but I didn't feel like talking to him anymore cuz he was a tad bit annoying So me and Richmond just talked for about another half hour and then he had to go to sleep cuz he had to go pick up his paycheck at 8am in the morning friday. Then I went to sleep. Theres still lots of stuff I ommitted but this is a long ass entry. My life is waayyyy too full to document. o.O
Posted at 8/29/2003 12:30:04 pm by raynee_daiz
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
My mom wants an airconditioner. I find several things utterly wrong with this idea.
1. We live in Canada
2. Summer is over
3. I don't mind heat
4. She's the one blabbering constantly about how the garden is just SOOO useful cuz it keeps her cool in the summer
She's stealing all my money for this. I suppose this is God's way of getting me back for biitching about my mom constantly, and not wanting to pay my own school fees. So if she steals all my money how am I going to get Mags a bday peresnt? Blergh. I hope she gives me a few damn days before she takes all my money away.
Yesterday I didn't do anything cuz I told dad I'd stay home so I could go out the day before. He thinks my sister is lonely. What a ridicilous notion. I know she likes it better when I'm at work. She complains when they give me a few days off in a row. But my parents don't even believe it. Blergh. Oh well. I called Mags yesterday and she was great. She was sick of me moaning about a career so she forced me to choose. That's why I love her. That's the difference between all the acquiantances and "friends" I've had in my life compared to the girls. The difference is that while others made me want to change, Maggie forced me to be more me than I wanted to be. I don't know if that makes sense. But all I know is that's why we've been this close for so long. I'm not good with the whole friends thing, I piss people off, I make them leave, or I'm pissed off and I leave. But even though me and t he girls have had our fights, we're still right there. It's great
Today gotta head back to work. Blergh. Don't really want to go. Yesterday was walking by with Jona and I think Danielle is back again. Strange since I thought she quit. But w/e I like her better than Nada.
I've started deprogramming myself so I can be awake for first day of school. Each day this week I've gone to sleep 1 hour earlier than the night before. Last night I went to bed at 1am. I'm surprised this plan is working. Tonight is 12. Unless someone fun phones me. Then of course it's another plan shot to hell. But meh
The people who are installing the kitchen cabinets are FINALLY here. By Friday/Saturday I should have a kitchen again. You have no idea how glad this makes me. Everytime I walked into the kitchen I've been disgusted. Utterly disgusted.
Posted at 8/27/2003 10:23:36 am by raynee_daiz
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
Aaaaah. Ok first things first. Very glad to have finally found a good online journal place. I can't write jackshiet on my webpage cuz everyone reads it, and I'm always editing it up so that not everyone will realize what I'm talking about. I love the freedom on these things, I just haven't found the time to find a really good one.
Yesterday was wicked fun. I love the fact that people can drive now. Mark and Mike I love em. Not just cuz they drive, but it's a bonus. Mike. Seriously I can't believe both me and maggie at the same time like one of Jona's bfs. Crazy. And Mark. Jesus I'm so jealous of Maggie. He's so in love with her and she's so not into him. He even told me to tell her gnite for him last night cuz schools started for him already. Truthfully though. I think I'm starting to like him. Just a little bit. But I always get into all the guys right before the monthly friend comes to visit. Because I'm REALLY hoping it's that. Do not definitely want Mags' left overs.
Uh...shiet is heating up with Josh. I don't know what to do about him. The other night I was right there on the edge of liking him (see what I mean about all the guys?) He was just being so sweet..and josh like. He was there for me all the way with Jay. He let me vent, gave me advice, and just let me do my thing. And now he's tellin me shiet like oh I missed you while I was in switz, I bought presents back for you. I'm a jackass for bailing on you today. I just unno anymore. Looks like maggie's winning that bet hardcore though.
So I finally had a good good conversation with Richmond last night. I was pissed off last time so I kept going off on him, 2 nights before that I didn't call, and he thought I was mad at him so he didn't call. Night before that was on the phone with him and Mags but they started the ass jokes so I hung up. And the nights before that Rich was trying to have a no phone kick. We talked til 2:15am. Like always. But last night he told me he was gonna have to switch schools when he moves. God it hurt when he said that. And I KNOW richmond. He even admits it. When he goes to Francis I'm gonna be replaced. Hopefully I'll be like KT and he'll never have anything bad to say about me. But doubtful I get mad at him too easily. I was so upset I spent a good hour yelling at him, telling him I hated him and that I hoped he would die. He just told me he loved me the whole way through. God that was so sweet. But I was still sooo angry. I can't believe he's gonna leave. After I calmed down a bit, he guilt tripped me and told me that it was really hard to say I love you to someone you really love. And I knew he was doing it on purpose so i told him I loved him too but I still hated him. He just replied with em yeu anh. We spent about half an hour going thru his options, and he promised he'd try to think of something so he could stay. But I doubt he will. I'm gonna miss him like crazy. He was the only thing that kept me going when Jay broke up with me. He kept me busy, gave me something else to think about and just helped me get over him. Not in the way that he let me talk about Jay all the time. In the way that he told me if I mentioned Jay one more time he would shoot me. I love him for that.
Schools almost back. GOOOOOD. I soooo don't want to go!!!! My schedule is INSANE. And I have to keep up a job at the same time?? I'm definitely not doing any skipping this year. I'm hoping that because I'll be busy all the time, the momentum will just keep me going and I won't have time to even THINK about procrastinating. Because there is no possible room for mistakes this year. I want all 80s in my classes. Science I'm gonna have to work HELLA hard in. I don't remember the last time I got an 80 in science. Math I'm gonna have to do all my hw no matter what. That's what really keeps my grades up in that class. I hope social and english are about the same as last year because I did pretty well. I found out that me and Danielle have almost the exact same schedule. I'm so glad about that. Considering last year we only had 2 classes together. But it seems like EVERYONE else I don't have anything with. But they're all getting their schedules fixed so there's still some hope. I really hope I get a class with Richmond though. If he gets social or english in the second sem in the afternoon I'll be so happy. Then I could spend some time with him b4 he goes.
So schools back which means I'll have to see him pretty often. When I spotted him the other day all my feelings came rushing back and I just felt so stupid. Even with all I know about him, all the lies he told, the way he threw it all away, his attitude, and now his drugs? I still hurt to see him. I know the person I fell for wasn't the real Jay, but for some reason all my feelings are still attached to that bastard face. *sigh. I really hope I find someone new this year. Someone who won't hurt me that way, tell me lies, test me, and just the opposite of everything he did. But then again I'll be so busy how could I have time for a bf? I think that I'm gonna make it so that, everyday after school taht I don't have work I'm gonna be home at 5, and my parents can't argue with that, cuz if I don't have work I have the rest of the night to do hw, and on weekends I work so I should be allowed to chill with my friends. I'm 16, I should be able to have SOME time for fun right? Especially now that I'm not skipping anymore. I'll convince them somehow. I hope.
I get the first friday of school off. Wicked happy. Now I can do something with Mags for her bday. Honestly this has been the bestest summer ever. And my birthday completely rocked. Who do I have to thank but my best friends? I can't believe I'm in gr. 11. Jesus I'm gettin old.
Posted at 8/26/2003 1:30:34 pm by raynee_daiz